2008 has been profoundly unlike any other year in my life.
It’s been the most difficult year I’ve ever experienced, professionally. My books continue to sell (thank you, Lord), but the termination of INFUZE back in January led to a loss of income that has never been recovered. After fourteen years as a journalist, I suddenly found myself… well, not one. After so long working full time on non-stop, daily deadlines… now there was no reporting to be done. After finding purpose and fulfillment in my work for so many years… my purpose became unclear. And as the year dragged on, and I continued searching for regularly-paying work, it became increasingly clear that the country’s economic downturn was affecting the field of journalism by drastically reducing the number of available jobs. I’ve pursued ideas, opportunities, leads… and pretty much gotten nowhere.
I won’t lie to you: I floundered. Bigtime.
For months, I didn’t know what to do with myself. There was depression. Frustration. Confusion. Fear. Lots of uncertainty. And even a little panic. Most importantly, there was a real loss of confidence. For the first time in my professional life, no one wanted to offer me a job.
There was also the release of Merciless, the big, exciting culmination of the Dominion Trilogy… only it turned out to be big and exciting mostly just to me and the hardcore fans. Oh, it’s been selling as well as the first two books, and personally, I couldn’t be more pleased with how it turned out, quality-wise, but I kind of had this idea in my head that finishing the trilogy would be a big deal within the industry. Quite the contrary. There was precious little fanfare — not nearly as much as the first two books achieved, which was especially frustrating to me, as I truly believe Book 3 is (by far!) the best one of the bunch.
Of course Karen and I turned everything over to God about our finances and my career, and we pray daily for direction and miracles and all that stuff. But I’ve been thrown by all this. I just didn’t see it coming. Not like this. So it’s been a terribly harsh year, and it’s worn me down mentally, spiritually, and physically.
It’s also been a wonderful year! Because it’s been the first year of my son’s life, and I take care of him by myself most days of the week. Evan is the most incredible thing Karen and I have ever experienced, and watching him grow and learn and explore, and watching his delightful personality come into bloom, and laughing and playing with him, and crying and comforting him when he hurts, and holding him as he sleeps… These have been incredibly powerful moments that I would never take back one second of. I absolutely adore my little boy, and I’m grateful and humbled that God saw fit to give him to us.
Now, don’t get me wrong — he doesn’t make getting my book writing done very easy. I’m a night owl by nature, so I write late at night after he and Karen have gone to bed, but many a night I’ve had to get up with him and work and work to get him back to sleep. There’s been more than one night when I’ve wondered what he’s got against Daddy meeting a deadline, because it started to feel like the little guy had a vendetta against that very thing!
But the journey of being a husband and a father has been filled with wonder and joy and I am so, so grateful for it every day.
So that’s where I’ve been this year. That’s why I’ve been largely silent and why this blog hasn’t been updated very much. It’s been a harsh year, but also a wonderful year. It’s a strange mixture of dichotomies, and many a day, I’ve wondered if I’ve lost myself and my identity to the changes 2008 has brought. It’s left me feeling broken much of the time.
But I am still here. I’m still walking the path, still pressing towards the mark. I do feel like a part of me has been lost. But maybe that’s okay. Maybe 2008 was exactly what it needed to be, to prepare me for whatever is to come next. I have no idea what that is, but I know who does.
And I know I’m going to keep writing my books. I’ve still got three more novels I’m currently contracted for (and hopefully there will many more beyond that). The first one is almost in the can and I’m researching for the second now, and both of them have me super excited because they’re so fun and different and are stretching me as a writer.
And then there are my nonfiction ideas. I’ve got quite a few of them. Writing nonfiction was not something I thought I’d ever want to do, but when presented with no other possibilities, I began to contemplate what I could come up with if I got the chance. So with no other major work happening, I’m pursuing several of these projects as we speak. I think what I have in mind will really surprise you.
The new RobinParrish.com is almost done (for real, I promise!) and I’ve really gone all out, content-wise. Fans and newcomers alike will find plenty of groovy stuff to occupy their time.
Please continue to keep Karen, Evan, and I in your prayers. And if there’s any way we can be praying for you, drop me an email and let me know.
I promise to blog more often once the new site is done!